What You Want Most
by ForgottenStorm87
Summary: When Relena gets engaged how will everyone handle it? What will Heero do? Will he let her move on and live her life? Sometimes you just need to step back and think about what you want most.
1. What You Want Most Ch 1

DISCLAIMER! I do not own them. I only love them.

[A.N] this is the first chapter of a multi-chapter fic! Hope you like it!

What You Want Most: Chapter One

She closed the door behind her, taking her gloves and hat off at the door. He was here, standing there across the room. She could feel his eyes on her from the shadows. She sighed as she pulled off her jacket. She wasn't in the mood for this, not now. It had been a rather long day full of meetings and conferences back to back with the occasional "luncheon" where she sat and listened to a few delegates try to discuss things over fruit trays and deli platters. It wasn't until her last even of the day that things had gotten a little better.

Donovan Covington, the son of the Prime Minister of the L4 colony cluster, had asked her two weeks beforehand for a dinner date. The two had been casually seeing one another for over a year. He was nice enough, rich, young, handsome, idealistic, but most of all, he seemed sincere. Sincerity was a trait a lot of men lacked when trying to court her. She found his sense of humor mildly entertaining and his passion for anything but politics was a nice change of pace. He was perfect. Too perfect. He had walked her to her door, a sweet gesture given the question he'd asked her over dinner. It wasn't like she hadn't expected it. The tabloids had been pushing them at each other since their little relationship began. She sighed again remembering how he'd done it.

The five-star Italian restaurant had been lit with candles as soft music played in the background. Their table had been set out by the balcony where she could see the star filled winter sky. He had pulled out her chair for her and been nothing short of a perfect gentleman. Their dinner conversation had been pleasant enough but the whole time she could tell he was leading up to it. She watched, only half-surprised, as he rose from his seat and knelt before her. He had taken her hand in his and asked her those four little words that make most girls heads swim.

She reached into her pocket and grabbed out the velvet box. She hadn't given him an answer but he had refused to take back the ring. He told her to take all the time she needed to think about keeping the ring as a reminder of his sincerity. He'd walked her to the door and kissed her hand softly as he bid her goodnight. For the hundredth time she sighed again, her eyes finally rising to meet those of the shadowed figure. He had seen the whole thing, she knew he had. He began to approach her, his steps slow and precise, almost as if she had counted the number of steps it would take to close the distance between them.

His eyes were almost glowing with the intensity of hi stare and she found herself momentarily unable to think. She looked away from him; it was so hard to focus when he started at her. For that moment it was just her and her bodyguard, standing alone together in an all too silent room. After what seemed like a small eternity she finally raised her eyes to his again, seeing the unspoken questions.

"You have the ring." The sudden sound of his voice almost made her jump.

"Yes. Don said I could hold onto it."

"So you didn't say yes?" She sighed and shook her head.

"I couldn't. Not yet at least." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, still uncomfortable under his piercing gaze.

"Do you love him?" His question somewhat surprised her. His voice was so impassive, the same cold tone he usually used although his eyes betrayed his deeper thoughts. She had once longed to know him well enough to understand every glance and gesture he made; now it all seemed sort of foolish.

"I don't know. I suppose I love him enough." She paused and broke their little stare down walking past him to sit on her bed. "Donovan is a good, decent man that cares about me a lot. I have no doubt he would make a good husband." He said nothing, merely watched her as she removed her stiletto heels.

"Don't look at me like that, Heero Yuy." She found herself getting frustrated with his lack of reactions, which was ironic considering her rarely ever did react much to anything. She was used to his normal stoic behavior and one sentence responses so why was she so bothered now?

"Like what?"

"You know perfectly well what look you're giving me." She glared at him, feeling a fire build within her. "The truth is I'm not getting any younger. I'll be thirty in a few months. I want to settle down and have a family someday. If this is my chance to have that than why shouldn't I take it?"

"You're sure that's what you want? To start a family with him?" It seemed a rather redundant question that made her head begin to throb.

"If not him than with whom? I can't wait around forever. I have dreams, Heero. I dream of a household with the sound of children laughing. I want to hold my children in my arms and watch them grow… grow old with my husband by my side…" She paused, letting her words linger in the air like a gentle perfume. "Donovan is my chance to have all of that. Why can't you see?"

"Does he love you?" His words were like a slap in the face. Did he love her? He hadn't really ever said he did but she imagined so. He had professed that he cared deeply for her on numerous occasions but did that mean he loved her? She looked down at her hands, wringing her fingers like a nervous child.

"I don't know." She suddenly felt very tired. "All I know is that he is the closest thing to a serious relationship I have ever had and I think it might be worth it to try."

"Then say yes." She felt her heart stop and her breath catch in her throat. She had expected many different responses, imagined his reaction many times but never had she ever imagined him telling her to go through with it. She felt her heart sink in disappointment. What had she been expecting? That he would beg her not to go through with it? That he would sweep her off her feet, kiss her breathless and ask her himself? She all but laughed at her own foolishness.

"You really think I should?"

"You said so yourself that this might be your only chance. If it will make you happy, then do it." His deep blue eyes were unreadable. She wished she could see into his mind and find out what he was really thinking.

"You're right." She sighed and stood up, giving him a half-hearted smile. "I guess my mind is made up then. I'm getting married. She walked past him to get to the door. Her hand paused just above doorknob. "Thank you, Heero."

"For what?"

"For making things easier for me." with those final words, she left the room to go make herself a much needed cup of cocoa. Had she looked back she would have seen the sad look in her guardian's eyes as she walked out the door.

[A.N.] Sorry it's so short but I didn't want to do too much in the first chapter. I feel like with Heero and Relena sometimes less is more. I hope you like it. Please review and tell me what you think and what you would like to see happen and I'll keep the chapters coming as fast as I can. TTYL!


	2. What You Want Most Ch 2

[A.N] I hope you enjoy this second installment of my new story. I'm not quite sure where it wants to go yet so feedback would help a lot. That being said, enjoy!

DISCLAIMER! I do NOT own them… I just wish I did.

What You Want Most Ch. 2

Hilde Maxwell juggled on baby on her hip while trying to make a bottle with her free hand. The twins were currently asleep in their cribs after nearly two hours of trying. She sighed as she wiped some flour off her forehead. She had decided to make homemade pizza for dinner. Duo had just returned from a long day working at the scrap yard and he'd want to have some dinner and a cold beer. She loved her husband dearly even with his quirks. He was a bit of a goofball most of the time and many people who didn't know him well enough would say that he is a man that simply doesn't take life seriously enough. If they only knew that that goofy boy was actually on of the universe's most dangerous men.

She smiled as her child reached out his chubby little hands for his now full bottle. It was as she put the one year old in the playpen that the phone began to ring. She walked over and casually picked up the receiver, smiling when she saw the face of her dear friend.

"Relena! How are you?"

"Hello Hilde. It's good to see you."

"Same here. Haven't heard from you in a while. You really should call more often."

"I know. I'm sorry. Things have been rather crazy lately in the Earth-Sphere. I've spent the last several weeks in and out of meetings and buried behind mountains of paper work. I swear, sometimes I feel more like an intergalactic babysitter instead of a politician." Hilde laughed. It was good to see the other woman smiling.

"But seriously Rel, how have you been?"

"Besides ridiculously busy? I've been well. How is everyone in the Maxwell household?"

"Oh, we're doin' great! The twins are asleep and I've just put little Deakin in his playpen. The poor thing can't seem to get to sleep." As if to emphasize her words the littlest Maxwell began to fuss a little.

"Is he teething again?"

"I don't know. He might just be fussy. His daddy's usually home by now. He's a real daddy's baby."

"I see. So how old are they now? I feel like I've been out of touch forever."

"Well Damon and Dana are five and little Deakin is only one."

"Wow, time flies."

"Tell me about it. They're growing up too fast." She glanced at her youngest son who was contentedly sucking on his bottle.

"You're so lucky to have them."

"I know." Her friend's last comment made her curious. "Not that it isn't great to hear from you, but why are you calling so suddenly?"

"Well, I wanted you to be the first to congratulate me."

"Because…?"

"I'm engaged." Her eyes widened in shock at the news! She couldn't wait to tell Duo.

"What? When?"

"He asked me yesterday and-"

"And you're just now telling me?"

"Well I only told him yes today. I… I had to think about it."

"Think about it?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You've been waiting for him to propose for almost fifteen years now and you had to think about it?!"

"Fifteen years? I've only been dating him for one." Hilde paused, completely confused.

"What? Who are you talking about?"

"Who are _you_ talking about?" The perplexed look on her friend's face made her realize her mistake.

"Heero." A quick look of shock registered across the blonde woman's face before pain flashed in her aqua eyes.

"No… Donovan. I have been dating him for a year now. He thinks it's time to take things to the next level and I… I happen to agree."

"I see…" She was in shock. Relena was getting married? "Well, congratulations."

"Hilde, please be happy for me."

"I am Relena, really I am. The question is, are you happy?

"Of course I am. Donovan is wonderful. He's kind and intelligent..."

"I understand that Rel, but-"

"I couldn't wait forever, Hilde. Donovan loves me. He'll make a great husband and even, one day, a wonderful father."

"Who are you trying to convince Rel?"

"Hilde…" The look of uncertainty in Relena's eyes was replaced by hurt. She found herself sighing.

"If this is really what you want than I'm with you one hundred percent."

"Thank you, Hilde." The blonde woman smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I was hoping you'd be my matron of honor."

"Like I would say no." She laughed and for the first time in their conversation she saw her friend's face light up with a genuine smile.

"I knew I could count on you. Now I hate to cut this short but I really have to go. I have a few more documents that I need to look over before I can go home for the night."

"I understand." She found herself concerned. Something told her that Relena wasn't truly doing this for the right reasons.

"Please tell Duo I say hello and give the kids my love."

"I will Rel."

"I'll let you know more specifics on everything as soon as I work them out."

"Okay. I'm looking forward to it."

"Goodnight Hilde."

"Goodnight Rel. Take care." She hung up the receiver as the screen went black. She sighed and turned to look at her now sleeping son. She could hardly believe it. Relena's sudden decision to marry her boyfriend seemed so unlike her. She just hoped her friend truly knew what she was doing. Her thought process was interrupted as the door opened and Duo stepped in. He flashed her a tired smile and scooped her into a hug, kissing her passionately. She broke the kiss, laughing.

"Duo, cut it out. You just got home." She slapped him playfully as she tried to make her way to the kitchen.

"Exactly. I've been gone from you all day. It's time to make up for lost time." He grabbed her around the waist again, pulling her close and kissing her neck.

"Duo…" She laughed; her husband was always playful. It was one of the things she loved about him.

"Are all the kids asleep?"

"Yes they are but you need to take a shower! You smell like a walking scrap yard!" She pushed him away gently.

"Well I've been working hard all day babe. I need a little relaxation."

"Well you can relax while you eat. Now sit down, there's something I need to tell you." She ushered him over to one of the kitchen chairs and took the pizza out of the oven. She set a plate with a few piece in front of him which he wasted no time in picking up.

"So what's this big piece of news ya got for me?" after years of living with him she had learned how to understand him with his mouth full of food.

"It's a good thing you're sitting down. This is going to shock you as much as it shocked me."

"So tell me already!"

"Relena called just a little bit ago and told me something interesting."

"Lena called and I missed it? Oh man! Now I wish I hadn't worked over." He was genuinely bummed. He and Relena had become like brother and sister.

"Will you let me finish?"

"Sure." He scooped another piece up off his plat and took a huge bite.

"Well she called to ask me to be her matron of honor. She's getting married." Duo almost choked on his food as he started laughing.

"Well I'll be! That son-of-a-gun actually did it! I didn't think he had it in him."

"He didn't." Duo paused, the smile fading from his face.

"What do ya mean? You said she's engaged."

"Yes, but I never said to him." A small silence settled between them as he words registered to him.

"Wow… just… wow… I always thought-"

"I know, I did too." Another silence settles between them as if they both are considering how to truly react to the news.

"Well… so who's the lucky stiff that's hooked her?"

"His name is Donovan, the guy she's been dating for over a year now."

"That loser? Come on! Rel can do so much better." He got up and walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. Her opened it and too a long drink.

"And just who do you think would be better, Duo?"

"I don't know but not him."

"Well it's not your choice now is it?" She put the pizza in a storage container in the fridge and the dinner dishes in the sink, her mind still on the subject at hand.

"Is she in love with the guy?"

"Honestly? I don't think so. I know she cares for him and she says he loves her but we all know who she's really in love with."

"Yeah… I wonder how he took the news."

"I don't know but one way or another it serves him right. God knows she's been patient. If she's finally found someone to be happy with, then I say let her." She sat down with a glass of iced tea.

"Yeah… I just hope she really will be happy. " He walked to the living room, leaving her to her thoughts.

"Me too, Duo. Me too." She walked over to the sink and washed the dishes in silence, trying hard not to think about how disturbed she was over Relena's news. After all these years of knowing how much her friend cared for the stoic pilot she'd expected them to someday fess up to the silent love and live happily ever after. She sighed as she put the last dish in her cupboard. She walked into the living room and smiled at the sight that greeted her. Duo had fallen asleep sitting up on the couch. She shook her head and walked over, climbed onto the couch and cuddled up next to him. She lived a simple life with just her and her small family but it was a good life, a fulfilling one. She only wished Relena would one day find the same sort of happiness she had now.

[A.N.] I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it's kinda short! I'll have another one out soon. Please let me know what you think and even give me an idea of what you might like to see happen and I'll do my best to please. Thanks again!


	3. What You Want Most Ch 3

Relena tapped her pen on her desk, lost in thought. It had been a whole month since she'd accepted Donovan's proposal. One whole month since she'd agreed to become Mrs. Donovan Covington. She knew she should be ecstatic. She had a good man that loved her and wished to share his life with her, so why then, was she not happier? She cared about Donovan; cared about him a lot. He was a good man. Out of all the men that had tried to court her in the past he was the first one that wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Ever since she first met him he tried to be both a friend and a confidant. Whenever she would be having a bad day he would go out of his way to make her feel better. Occasionally she would find a flower on her desk or a box of her favorite candies with a cheerful friendly note from him. Finally, after months of these friendly gestures she finally agreed to a single date. She had gotten along with him surprisingly well. The evening had been a pleasant one that had ended in him kissing her hand as he left her at her doorstep. He was a complete gentleman. He was witty and charming and seemed to have a strong passion for a lot of the same things that drove her from day to day. He was an amazing friend, a caring boyfriend and now an attentive fiancé. She sighed.

"Well, don't we look enthused?" The sarcastic voice broke her from her train of thought. She looked up to see the slightly older woman standing in the doorway of her office. Dorothy Catalonia had, over the years, gone from being a good frienemy to an actual friend. Their friendship was indeed a strange one that she, herself, did not fully understand. In spite of all that the taller blonde woman had become one of her closest friends as well as one of her strongest allies. She rose to greet her friend and they briefly embraced.

"Dorothy, what a pleasant surprise. I heard you were in the colonies with Quatre." The older woman ran a finger over her ridiculously long eyebrows. Once, those eyebrows had given her the creeps. Now, however, they were simply one of the many features that made Dorothy, well, Dorothy.

"I was, but I heard a bit of juicy gossip and became bored there. Quatre lets me come and go as I please. Only two years of marriage he still understands me better than anyone I have ever known." She walked over and poured herself a mug of coffee from Relena's coffee maker, added cream and sugar then took a sip, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Honestly Relena, can't you afford to get a better stash of coffee in here?" Relena laughed.

"That coffee is for my guards. I keep it in here because they refuse to leave me to get some but often need it. I drink tea. You know that."

"Yes, and more's the pity." She puts down the mug and turns to her smiling. "So, a little birdie told me that you, my dear princess are getting married."

"You heard correctly. Sorry I didn't call you about it myself. I have been so busy lately with everything and getting a hold of the colonies is still sometimes very difficult."

"Oh, I understand. I wasn't placing blame, merely stating the facts as to why I am here."

Dorothy paused for a moment and walked over to the desk, sitting on the edge. Relena shook her head. Dorothy always sat on her desk; it seemed to be a bad habit from their younger years. Relena shut the door and walked over to the window, opening it for some fresh air. She let the crisp, cold winter air caress her skin and closed her eyes momentarily. The smell of snow was in the air today. She had always found the smells of autumn and winter rather relaxing and if Dorothy were there to discuss her engagement then she would need the help of that relaxing afternoon breeze.

"So how is Mr. Perfect anyway?" She cast Relena one of her smirks and Relena found herself, not for the first time, feeling like a mouse cornered by a Cheshire cat.

"He's doing quite well. He'll be here soon to escort me to lunch. We haven't seen one another all week and he was quite adamant on us making time for each other. He's been rather busy trying to help push the suggestion of a new bill through. He's very persuasive."

"I see. I didn't realize Heero was such a talkative person." Relena found herself taken aback by Dorothy's statement.

"What?"

"Really, Relena, if I had meant Donovan I would have said his name." She ran a hand through her long, platinum locks and smirked yet again.

"I'm sure I have no idea how Heero has been lately. He hasn't really been around much." It was true. Shortly after she had accepted Donovan's marriage proposal Heero had taken to the shadows again. She rarely saw him and when she did he said hardly more than two words to her. She felt the familiar pang of hurt.

"Well, that is surprising. For the last several years he's hardly left your side. How odd. Perhaps something is bothering him. Some pressing _engagement."_ Relena walked to her desk and began shuffling through her papers to help keep her mind off the statement her friend just made.

"I highly doubt that my engagement has anything to do with his disappearances. After all, he is the one that told me to say yes." Dorothy's eyes widened slightly as she processed this surprising piece of information.

"Did he now?"

"Yes. He quite impassively told me that I should say yes if it would make me happy." The memory of his emotionless stare as he uttered those words sent a stabbing pain through her chest.

"I see…" Dorothy stood up and walked around the room, pausing by the window. "He told you to say yes _if _it will make you _happy_. The question is, my dear friend, is it going to make you happy? The woman I saw when I entered this office seemed nowhere near as giddy as a bride to be should be."

"Of course I'll be happy. I am happy. I have a good man that loves me and I'm going to have the life I always dreamed of." She felt the doubt in her mind even as she said these things.

"I see. You want to get married, have a family and grow old with someone. Am I correct?"

"Well yes, that typically is what most women dream of."

"You mentioned that he loves you but you know what I didn't hear?" She walked over to her and Relena felt her breath catch, nervous about the older woman's next remark. "I didn't hear you say that _you_ love _him_."

"Dorothy…"

"But what do I know? It is _your_ life, after all. You can do as you please." She picked up one of Relena's few knick-knacks and rolled it around in her hands for a moment. "You know something though?" She stopped fiddling with it and looked Relena in the eyes. "You said Heero told you to marry him if it would make you happy, not if you want, not because you can, but _if_ it will make you _happy_. You know what that tells me?" She puts the knick-knack down and smiles triumphantly. "I think it means he only wants you to be happy."

Relena watched as Dorothy began to walk towards the door. Heero wanted her to be happy? Did that mean he did care? Had she read his reaction incorrectly? He had never really given any indication that he felt anything more for her than a mild friendship at best. There had been only a few times, a long time ago when he had displayed even the slightest bit of a romantic interest in her. Just before he left to fight Zechs in the final battle he had pulled her close and looked her in the eyes. Had it not been for their helmets he would have been close enough to kiss her. The second had been when he _had_ kissed her after the revised White Fang had fallen.

She touched her finger to her lips unconsciously at the memory. It had been a short kiss, one where his lips had barely brushed hers but it had been a kiss. She remembered the feeling she got the moment their lips met, she felt a shiver run down her spine to her toes as it had then. That had been so many years ago. She hated that the memory still had an effect on her. She had thought that after the kiss, things might change between them but they didn't. Until he became part of her security he had spent his time drifting in and out of her life. She sighed. No, Heero did not care about her, not like that… did he? Remembering that Dorothy was still in the room she looked up to find the other blonde woman staring at her rather intently.

"Daydreaming at work? Tsk tsk, Relena. How very unprofessional." The sarcasm in her voice made Relena want to snap at her. Dorothy was her friend, but it was the kind of friendship that had to be taken in stride, one day at a time.

"I'm sorry Dorothy. I didn't mean to be neglectful of your company."

"No, I understand entirely. Daydreaming about a certain Gundam pilot I know is so much more fun. Wouldn't you agree?"

"I don't have time for you to patronize me Dorothy. If you are trying to make a point, then please do."

"I believe I already have." She smirked and Relena found herself wanting to wipe it off her face. "But I'd better be going now. I have a few appointments that I must attend to." She walks to the door but turns back to her smiling. "Until later, Relena." Dorothy walked out leaving Relena alone once again. She closed her eyes, Dorothy's many words running through her mind. Was Dorothy right? She sighed. It hardly mattered. She was engaged to Donovan. She gave her word that she would marry him. She couldn't back out… could she? She shook her head, mentally chastising herself for even considering it. She was so lost in thought again that she hardly heard him knock on her door frame. She turned around and offered him as genuine of a smile as possible, a smile he fully returned.

"Hello honey. Are you ready for lunch?" Relena looked at him. The look of admiration in his eyes made her nearly forget the earlier conversation.

"Yes, just give me a moment." She walked to her desk and grabbed her handbag, then turned back to him. He was leaning in the doorway, one hand in his pocket and one against his temple as he watched her. His blue blazer was undone as were the first few buttons of his white shirt revealing just the top of his muscular chest. His hazel eyes were focused solely on her. Add on his charming smile and it would be enough to make any girl swoon. She smiled at him again as he offered his arm. She linked her arm with his and they walked out together. Try as she might, however, she just couldn't get the earlier conversation from her mind or the certain individual it had pertained to. Determined to enjoy her lunch date she tried to push all other thoughts aside, focusing solely on the moment at hand.


	4. What You Want Most Ch 4

[A.N] Sorry it took so long! Here's the next chapter!

What You Want Most Chapter Four

Heero looked up from his mound of paperwork placing his hand over her heart. Over the past few months he'd been experiencing an unexplained pain in his chest that started shortly after changing shifts on security detail. He glanced at the clock. She would be officially off right about now; though doubtless she would stay at the office several more hours to catch up on her work. He still knew her schedule by heart. He knew right now she'd be brewing herself a cup of tea and putting her favorite round of songs on repeat since it would be just her. It was one of her little quirks he found so amusing.

It would be his turn to go there shortly, picking up the evening to morning times. When she had agreed to marry Donovan he had relinquished his position as her primary guard for his sanity as well as for hers. He found that, while this shift made it easier to avoid contact with her it was far from efficient in helping him keep his distance. Watching her sleep was the worst. The confusion she made him feel on a regular basis only seemed to gain intensity when he first saw them together. She looked so happy, her smile pleasing crowds and convincing everyone around how happy she was in the premarital stages of bliss.

Donovan was a good man of upstanding family background and political influence. He was as charismatic as he was handsome which made him even more of a perfect match for her. Together the two of them would be able to do all of what she dreamed and more and it was his job as her protector to be there every step of the way. However, he couldn't deny the blind hatred he felt any time the other man's hands joined with hers. He found himself wincing whenever they embraced and found himself looking away when their lips would meet in a kiss. She was happy. Happy with Donovan. Donovan could make her happy. Could be what she needed. They were perfect for each other. And he hated it.

The pen in his hand snapped and he realized just how upset he was. There was no reason to be angry. She had made her choice. Donovan asked and she agreed and he had let it happen. She had asked him for advice. He hadn't told her to say yes but he hadn't told her to say no. he told her to do what made her happy. Clearly marrying Donovan would do that. He closed his eyes remembering every detail of that night, the last night he had been in her presence, talking with her: her perfume, her hair, the way the light in the room cast soft shadows over her face. He felt the pain in his again and leaned forward. He closed the file on the desk and stood up. He needed to get out, to talk to someone. Duo would be back from his vacation by now. He was better than nothing.

Duo Maxwell through yet another piece of popcorn up in the air and successfully caught it in his waiting mouth. Guard duty was only boring when you didn't make proper use of your time. He smirked and let another piece fly, catching it, yet again. Hilde would be putting the twins down for their nap by now and probably feeding their youngest. He sighed. As much as he missed them someone had to bring home the bacon. He smirked again knowing how busy his wife currently was. Whenever she got a moment's peace the woman was working tirelessly trying to help Relena plan her wedding. Every detail from the kind of material used to the precise shades of the flowers was being handled with the utmost care.

He shook his head. Neither he nor his wife truly was excited about the wedding. As wonderful as it was that Relena was finally ready to take the next step in her relationship he saw one major flaw in the process: she didn't love him. It was obvious Relena was fond of her future groom but fondness hardly seemed the kind of emotion necessary for a successful marriage. He ran a hand through his bangs and sighed, throwing another piece of popcorn in the air. Startled by his usually silent friend's approach he missed the fluffy kernel and watched disappointed as it fell to the ground.

"Duo." His friend's normally impassive voice held a hint of something he never thought he'd hear from the man known as the perfect soldier. It was no secret that his time as Relena's guard had added quite a few emotions-however dulled they may be-to his emotional repertoire, but despair was not one he ever expected. He took a good look at his friend. The man had obviously not been sleeping, his clothes were slightly rumpled from over-wear and his hair, which usually looked like it needed a comb, was worse than normal.

"Heero, ol' buddy. What brings you to my part of preventers?" he grinned in spite of himself, trying to lighten the other man's mood, but the grin slowly faded when he got a god look at his friend's eyes. He found himself stunned. Heero Yuy was a man of few emotions and even fewer expressions. Normally his unreadable eyes were as dark and mysterious as a bottomless pit. Despair. Confusion. Helplessness. Three things Duo never thought he'd ever see in his friend.

"I need to talk." This was a first. Normally Heero never came to him to talk, or when he did he never came right out and said it.

"Well uh… I'm kinda on duty here pal but…" he watched as Heero's eyes pled with him. "Ok, bud. Lemme get Nate to fill in and we'll go grab a bite to eat. After radioing in to make sure he was covered he and Heero walked to the department's café where he ordered them two cups of black coffee. After sitting in silence for a moment or two Duo cleared his throat. "So… whatcha need, buddy?"

"I…" Heero paused, looking down at the table.

"Come on buddy. I can't help ya if ya keep quiet."

"I don't know how to word it."

"Let me take a guess then, ok?" Heero glared at him skeptically but then nodded. "It's about the princess, isn't it?" Heero only nodded. "I thought so. She'll be ok, you know. Donovan's a good man."

"I know."

"The man's background is squeaky clean."

"I know."

"He treats her like the queen she is."

"I know!"

"Then what's the problem, man?"

"I miss her." Heero seemed almost as shocked at his admission as he was.

"I see… now we're getting somewhere." He took a long drink of his coffee as he thought out his next statement. Heero was like a wild animal sometimes; one wrong move would spook him, scaring him off. "You know, she never asked you to switch shifts."

Heero looked down at his untouched cup of coffee. Duo sighed and ran a hand through his bangs. This was getting nowhere fast. This was possibly his chance to intervene, to help ensure both of his friends' happiness.

"Look, I'm no expert on females, least of all Lena, but I can tell she misses you."

"She's with him now."

"So? What did you think, Heero? That just because she's engaged she doesn't care about her friends anymore? About you? You couldn't be more wrong."

"Duo-"

"I don't know if you backed off 'cause you thought in some weird way it was the honorable thing to do, but let me tell you something. She might smile at him, but I've never seen her look at him the way she used to look at you." With that, Heero pushed away from the table and stood up, leaving a few dollars to pay him back for the coffee.

"We're done here."

"It's not too late buddy. You can still tell her how you feel."

"Forget it. She belongs with him." Heero walked out the door and down the hall leaving Duo alone with his coffee. Duo sighed.

"Man… I hope he figures this out soon, for both their sakes." He picked up his cup and the money Heero left and headed back to station.

[A.N.] hello all! Sorry it took so long to get this out! I have had a lot going on. I'm in a playwriting class at college and it's been taking most of my writing time as well as health issues. The good news is, health-wise I am now in the clear! HOORAY! And I hope to have the next chapter out soon after finals next week. I hope you enjoyed chapter four, even though it was horribly short. I promise the next one will be longer! Thank you all for reading! Please review to tell me what you think and what you might like to see next. TTFN!


	5. What You Want Most Ch 5

[A.N.] Here's the next chapter. Sorry it's not as long as I said it would be I had finals this week. I don't know when the next one will be up because I'm going back "home" for Christmas break. That being said, if I don't post before the holidays are over I want to wish you a very happy and safe holiday season! Enjoy the next chapter!

What You Want Most Chapter Five:

Relena turned slowly in front of the three hundred and sixty degree mirror, staring at her reflection. This was the ninth dress she had tried on so far. Try as she might the last eight dresses just hadn't seemed like the right ones, at least, not to her friends. The bodice on this one was perfect, hugging her curves gently emphasizing the narrowness of her waste without exaggerating any part of her body. Her chest was pushed up and out but in a modest sort of way by the cut of the dress and her the fabric seemed to flow beautifully off her hips to the floor into a decent length train in the back. Overall, she liked it. The dress was made of a fine white silk with just the right amount of sequins, rhinestones, and lace. She smiled in spite of herself.

She was picking out her wedding dress. She had had to set this day aside over three months in advance so that it would fit into her busy schedule. Dorothy and Hilde had been all too happy to meet her at her chosen place. The wedding was weeks away and everything had to be just right. As the sales attendant brought her her veil and set it gently atop her head she sighed. She should be down-right giddy. Almost every bride considered the choosing of the dress to be one of the highlights of the process but it still did nothing to help her mood. Despite the joyous scenarios that she continued playing in her mind she just couldn't raise her spirits as high as they should be.

She sighed and smoothed out the skirt, taking one last long glance before heading for the door of the dressing room. She was determined to find a dress that would satisfy them all. She loved this one, she had, in fact, been rather fond of several of the last ones, but her friends were insistant that she just hadn't found the right one yet. She walked out to find Dorothy sipping on a glass of wine while Hilde was enjoying her gourmet late. The two paused what they were doing as she walked out. Hilde excused herself and hung up and Dorothy set her cup down, smiling.

"Well? How do I look?"

"You look gorgeous, Relena. I think this is the one!" Hilde smiled wide as she stood up and began fussing with the hems of the designer gown.

"Do you think so?" She took another long look, running her hands self-consciously over the dress.

"Well, yes. Don't you?"

"I guess so…" Dorothy half-snickered, half chortled at her comment.

"You don't sound so confident. Dorothy, help me out here! Doesn't she look amazing?"

"I suppose so."

"You suppose? Come on, she couldn't look more perfect. It's like the dress was made for her." Despite Hilde's serious expression the older girl merely took another sip of her wine.

"Perhaps, but how it looks matter little if she's not satisfied." She paused and stood up, grabbed Relena by the shoulders gently, turned her and made her look in the full-length three sixty. "The dress is lovely… too bad the face doesn't match."

"What?" Relena glanced at her blonde friend more than a little hurt.

"Dorothy!" Hilde began to stride over to her but Dorothy held up a defensive hand rather nonchalantly.

"Relena, dear, you look like you're recovering from sucking on a lemon."

"Oh, lay off, Dorothy! She's under a lot of pressure!"

"Hm, yes, I suppose it must be very stressful marrying someone you don't love." She swirled the wine around in the glass while staring at it intently. "This place really does have an excellent wine selection. You should consider them for the wedding."

"I do love Donovan!"

"Oh, I'm sure that in your perfect illusory world you've created that's the truth but those of us living in the real world see things as they truly are."

"Dorothy, why would you say a thing like that?"

"Because she needs to hear it. Someone has to call this what it really is and it might as well be me!"

"Dorothy-" Relena had almost had enough. With her own feelings being as muddled as they were she hardly needed such criticism from one of her bridesmaids.

"I have sat and watched this go on long enough. If you truly wish to go through with this foolish self-deception than I shall still support you. Just know that when the day comes and this marriage fails I _shall _be the one to say 'I told you so.'" With that, the older girl finished her wine and stood up. "I shall wait for you in the limo."

"Dorothy!" by the time Relena turned around the older girl was gone. Relena stood watching the door long after she had gone. Was Dorothy right? Was she wrong in marrying Donovan. He loved her. She made him happy. He was good company; smart and charming. So why, then, did it feel so wrong? She sighed and turned to look at her reflection again, staring deep into the aqua orbs that stared back at her. She was supposed to meet Donovan for dinner after she finished in town with the girls. She told herself she was looking forward to it. If only she could believe it.

Donovan watched the candle light from the table flicker across her heart-shaped face. She looked so lovely with her chestnut blonde hair pulled up into a French twist. A few tendril had been left out to curl down the sides, framing her face perfectly. He watched her as she absentmindedly stirred her raspberry iced tea. Something was wrong with her and had been for a while now. He reached over and gently touched the top of her hand with his. She looked up at him, slightly startled, then her eyes softened and she offered him a small smile.

"Relena? Darling? Is everything alright?" His question hung in the air only a few seconds but it felt much longer to him.

"Yes, Donovan. Why?"

"You just seem so distracted lately, like you're somewhere else entirely."

"I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind lately, that's all."

"About the summit coming up?"

"Well, yes, there's that."

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

"Nervous?"

"About our wedding." He watched as she bit her lower lip softly.

"Our wedding? What would give you that idea?"

"I don't know. Forget I asked."

"Donovan?" Her voice held an heir of uncertainty. She looked at him and for a moment he could see the veil over her eyes begin to slip.

"Yes?"

"Nevermind." There was something in her eyes he couldn't quite read. She did that a lot no matter how hard he tried there almost always was a wall she kept up keeping him out. It was so hard to tell what she was thinking behind those aqua eyes. He sighed. If this silence kept up it was going to be the world's longest short dinner.

After watching her push the food around on her plate for a solid hour, he held up his hand to signal the waiter for the check. She didn't seem to object. He rose and scooted her chair out for her, helped her put her coat on, then took the bill and left a generous tip on the table. He had taken her to her favorite restaurant. She had ordered her favorite meal, and drink and yet she hardly touched either. He was beginning to wonder if she was sick. He knew she was busy. He'd been told by her secretary and her closest associates that she rarely ate anything claiming that her schedule wouldn't allow it. But here, with him, at this place she not only had the time but the opportunity to catch up on the day's missed nourishment. He sighed and put his hat and coat on, and walked her to the door after paying the check.

The drive back to her home was uncomfortably quiet. He kept looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She sat staring out the window obviously lost in thought yet again. He sighed as he pulled the car into her drive. Like a true gentleman he opened her door for her, helped her out of the car and walked her to the door. As they paused at on the top step another awkward silence settled in. after what seemed like a small eternity he broke the silence.

"Relena… Darling… I don't know what's going on. Have I done something wrong?"

"No, not at all."

"Then what is it?"

"Donovan-"

"You don't have to answer that now. Just know this: I love you. Whatever is bothering you, you can tell me, alright?" He gently caresses her cheek with the back of his hand. She smiled at him and for the first time that night he felt the mood lighten. He leaned in slowly, cautiously, trying not to spook her all the while completely unsure how she would react. When his lips softly brushed her cheek, he pulled back and smiled softly. "Goodnight, Relena."

"Goodnight." She turned from him then and entered her home. He watched her go before he, too, left, walking down to the drive. As he drove away he just couldn't get his mind off of how preoccupied she had been. He sighed and gripped the wheel with both hands. He didn't know what her problem was but he was determined to do whatever it took to help her figure it out.

Heero watched him leave. He couldn't deny the empty feeling he got when he saw Donovan kiss her cheek. He had been with them through their whole date. Dinner had been quiet and shorter than their usual dinners. Donovan had been right about one thing: Relena was upset. He hated seeing her like that. When he was her primary guard, before she was enaged, he would have gotten her her favorite cup of hot tea, brought her a fresh-baked cookie, courtesy of pagen, and sat down with her until she would tell him. He would sit quietly and let her unload her thoughts onto him and answer her when necessary with what he logically thought would help. Occasionally, when things were really bad, but still not very often, she would cry on his shoulder and he would hold her until her sobs ceased.

Part of him longer to walk out of the shadows and chase whatever was troubling her away but the other part wouldn't let him. Her engagement to Donovan made her troubles no longer his to soothe. He turned and followed his charge as she made her way to her bedroom. It wasn't longer before her could hear her soft sobs breaching the deceivingly thin door. He felt that pain in his chest again, the emptiness. Steeling his resolve, he walked somberly down the hall to the security room to wait for the end of what he knew was going to be a very long shift.


	6. What You Want Most Ch 6

[A.N] Hello! I'm glad i was able to make the time to write this chapter and post it for you! i have had such a crazy, rediculous christmas break and i've only been on it for just over a week. thank you so much for your wonderful reviews. they really help me. I'm writing this fic for you as much as i am for me! I hope you enjoy this chapter and that you keep giving me that wonderful feedback! I hope you all are having a safe and happy holiday season so far and i hope i can post another chapter for you soon! enjoy!

What You Want Most Chapter Six:

The guests had filed in as many as possible at a time. The room was packed full of the Earth-Sphere's delegates from all across the universe. No expense had been spared to ensure the grandeur of the momentous occasion. The preventers all wore their dress uniforms to show respect for the importance of such a day. Today was a day that the entire nation was ready to celebrate. Today was the wedding of Relena Peacecraft to her fiancé. The candles were lit and the colors brought out a serene feeling in all who noticed them Blue, silver and teal, Relena's favorite colors. Everything was perfect.

As the guests were seated, Heero found himself at an utter loss. Such beauty and such a joyous occasion did nothing to help his mood. Today he was losing her. The first round of ceremonial music began as two by two her wedding party walked down the aisle. Dorothy walked down arm in arm with a random groomsman looking a little less than thrilled, followed by Hilde, who beamed from ear to ear then rolled her eyes as Duo howled a wolf whistle. As the four individuals too their place at the head of the isle Heero saw him. Donovan stood smiling proudly, awaiting the woman that would soon be entering from the back of the church.

The bridal march began to ring throughout the hall causing all to stand and turn. There she was, dressed in her gorgeous white dress, her chestnut blonde hair done half-up with ringlet and banana curls, a veil over her beautiful face. Even through the sheer piece of lace he could see her smile; a smile directed a Donovan; a smile he wished with all his heart would be directed at him. Zechs walked with her, arm and arm, the proud brother of the bride obviously going to give her away when they finally reached what Duo deemed the point of no return. She looked so happy; happier than she'd looked in the longest time but it made his heart sink. As she made her way down the aisle, one step at a time Heero felt as if his world were slowly falling apart.

She finally made it there, pausing as Zechs lifted her veil and kissed her cheek, sharing on last strong hug before releasing her hand into Donovan's. They stood there then, looking into each other's eyes as if there were no one else in the world, just the two of them. Heero felt sick. He wanted to run to her, to stop this mess from happening but he found he couldn't move. He was frozen in place. He looked at the happy couple as Donovan repeated the vows given to him by the minister. The multi-colored light filtering in through the large window mosaic beamed down on them as if god himself were sanctioning their union. He listened helplessly as Relena too her turn with the vows, her face flushed from the sheer joy she felt.

"I, Relena Katrina Dorlan Peacecraft, take you, to be my lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death parts us, as long as we both shall live." Every word felt like a knife jabbing into his heart.

As they finished their vows he watched Donovan slip the ring onto her delicate hand and she doing the same to his. The minister took another long minute or two to finish with his closing statements.

"Whom god has brought together, let no man tear asunder. I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride." Donovan lifted her veil and Heero watched in heartbroken silence as their lips met in their first matrimonial kiss, sealing them together for all time. When they broke apart the minister stepped back and declared them Mister and Misses Donovan Covington. The entire congregation gave a united cheer as the happy couple made their way down the aisle and out of the church. Heero watched as Relena, the woman who made his life worth living, left to start her life with another man. At the last moment, she turned around and their eyes met; aqua to midnight blue. The shock, the surprise, in those soft orbs made his breath catch as her beautiful lips parted to say one word.

"Heero…?"

"Relena." The world seemed to stand still, everyone disappeared. She reached out to him. For just that moment he was frozen by the look in her eyes.

"Heero, buddy, wake up!" Heero bolted upright, his heart going a million miles an hour as his deep blue eyes met the gentle violet of his best friend, his hand tightly around the wrist of the other pilot.

"Duo." It took him a moment to realize where he was. The security room. He must have passed out sometime towards the end of his shift, something that wasn't like him at all. "What time is it?"

"Time for me to take my shift." He paused, placing a large cup of coffee on the desk in front of him. "Are you okay, man?" Heero checked the monitors. She was up, getting ready for her day. He sighed and ran a hand through his unruly hair.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure…? You said her name-"

"Forget it."

"But Heero-"

"Drop it, Duo. I'm leaving."

"Heero, you've got to tell her. Tomorrow is the Wedding shower. After that it's just stone's throw to the wedding and then it will be too late."

"I said drop it." He grabbed his uniform jacket and hoisted it over his shoulder heading towards the door. "I'll be back for my next shift."

"Yeah right. We all know you'll be here all day as usual!" Duo's last comment reached him as he walked out the door.

Relena tapped her pen on her desk as her mind reeled with unwanted thoughts. Her dream last night had been perfect, completely perfect. Every detail of the wedding was perfect except for one thing. The groom. Heero stood there, smiling at her, waiting to join their lives together. She had seen him there the whole time. Seeing him there gave her more joy than she ever could imagine. The music, the decorations, the dresses, the procession, everything was as it should be.

The vows were spoken, the rings exchanged, everything went according to plan. The kiss was amazing. As they walked down the aisle, husband a wife, ready to begin their lives together when she paused. She saw him standing there in the shadows: Heero. Confused, she turned to her new husband to find Donovan staring at her, questioningly. She looked back at Heero, her gentle aqua orbs meeting Heero's midnight blue.

"Heero…?" the unspoken question in that one name spoke volumes.

"Relena." He seemed hurt and confused. She reached out to touch him but found him disappearing as she was ripped out of her dream world and back into consciousness.

She had awakened with a start, gasping for air as her heart pounded, her mind swarming with images from the dream. Now as she sat trying to do her work all she could remember was the look in his eyes as they stood there. She sighed and put down her pen, massaging her temples. She had to go through with this. Heero didn't want her. Donovan did. Heero disappeared. She hadn't seen or heard from him since the night she'd agreed to marry Donovan. It was better this way. She did love Donovan. She sighed. How many times had she talked herself into a circle like this?

She groaned and pushed away from her desk stood up and walked to the window placing her hand on the pane. She watched as the window fogged up around her hand. It wasn't cold enough to snow although this time of year it was well over due. Some things in life were so simple but this wasn't. She pulled back her cold finger and placed them over her heart. Tomorrow would be her wedding shower. Tomorrow her friends and family would be gathered to help celebrate the upcoming event. She only hoped she would be ready. She sat back down and picked up her pen but her eyes fell instead on two pictures on her desk. The first was a picture taken many years ago of the entire gundam crew.

Hilde and Duo were hanging on one another. Quatre and Trowa were standing side by side. This was the day they were celebrating the news that they were long-lost half-brothers. The whole gang had turned out for the party. Wufei and Sally stood off to the side, Wufei glaring at Duo and Hilde's flirtatious antics and Sally elbowing him for his attitude. Pagan had taken the picture to make sure that the whole group could be in it. She and Heero had been standing in the back, quiet reflections of one another. This was just before Heero had been made the permanent head of her security. She traced a finger over his face. He was almost smiling; almost.

She closed her eyes and picked up the picture clutching it to her chest. Opening her eyes she saw the other picture, one of Donovan and herself. He was holding her around her waist from behind and she was looking at the camera. It had been a picture taken at one of the charity ball galas and she had, of course, taken Donovan as her date the Camera man had been all too happy to make them look as cozy as possible. It had been a fun evening all in all. It was that evening that she had made the conscious decision to officially agree to be his girlfriend. Memories of all the times he asked her, pestered her, even almost harassed her. She smiled at the memory. He never really did take no for an answer.

That night had changed everything. They had gone to the gala as friends and ended the night as sweethearts. A sad smile graced her lips as she looked back and forth between the two photos. So much had changed in her life. The little girl that had found a body on a beach so long ago seemed so far away. Tomorrow would be her wedding shower, the first official celebration of the upcoming wedding. She was doing the right thing. They were good together. This would work. It had to. She closed her eyes and tightly gripped her pen, tipping down the group photo. Past was past. It was time to move on.

A knock on the door interrupted her reverie. She looked up and cleared her throat trying to compose herself. She reached up and brushed away a tear she hadn't realized she'd shed. Her composure intact, she smoothed her blazer and sat up a little straighter.

"Come in." Dorothy popped her head in the door.

"Hey, how's the paper work coming?"

"Oh I'm…" She paused as she looked at the still untouched stack of documents. "I'm still working on it."

"I can see that." She walks in and casually ran a finger over her eyebrow. "Busy as always, then?"

"Yes. I have a lot to go over before tomorrow. This week is going to be full as it is. I need to get as much done as I can."

"I know." She walked to the window and paused, watching a few random raindrops strike the window panes.

"Dorothy, if you've come to give me more of your cynicism and sarcasm about my wedding I'd rather you leave. I have too much to do to deal with it right now." Dorothy turned, raising her hands in a defensive gesture.

"I assure, Relena, I come in peace."

"Really?" Relena could not hide her skepticism.

"Yes." She locked eyes with her and Relena felt like a criminal in an interrogation room. "I will not apologize for what I said at the boutique. I stand by what I said. However, I will say this: if this is what you really want, if you are determined to go through with this then I will be there. I just hope, for his sake, that you're right." She brushed back her hair and turned to leave.

"Dorothy?" Relena felt all her earlier doubts resurfacing.

"Yes?" A million thoughts filled her mind; things she wanted to say, things she shouldn't say and things that she didn't want to truly recognize.

"I'll see you at the shower?"

"I wouldn't miss it." With that, the older girl walked out the door leaving the troubled Foreign Minister to ponder her thoughts in the silence of her office.


	7. What You Want Most Ch 7

[A.N.] Hello all! So sorry it's been a while since my last submission but I have been through a lot in the last few weeks; lots of emotional ups and downs. I made this one the longest chapter yet though to make up for my tardiness. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please read and feel free to review! I love hearing from you. Your feedback fuels my passion and helps keep the creative gears turning in my twisted mind. Thanks for your support so far and I hope you enjoy this!

What you Want Most Chapter 7

Duo found him sitting by himself in the security room with an untouched cup of coffee, now cold, sitting in front of him, his eyes focused on the monitor showing their mutual charge. He ran a hand through his bangs, shaking his head. This was getting close to pathetic. He found himself beginning to get frustrated with his friend. Watching him sit there and moon around was only made worse by the fact that he wouldn't do anything about it. Deciding he'd had enough he was ready to make one last push to try and get Heero to act.

"Man, talk about having it bad."

"Duo."

"You do realize your shift ended a while ago." The only reply from his usually stoic friend was a grunt in affirmation. "Geeze. You shouldn't talk my ear off like this." Again he was met with barely any response. "Look, pal, if you're that upset about all this then do something about it."

"What are you talking about?"

"How stupid do you think I am? I know I have my moments where the obvious escapes me but this ain't one of them. Go tell her how you feel."

"Mind your own business."

"Heero, it's not too late. You can still stop the whole thing."

"I can't. She deserves this. He'll make her happy."

"Damn, how dense can you be? Is that the garbage you've been tellin' yourself this whole time? No wonder you can't see what's right in front of you."

"What?"

"If you really don't know after all I've said then it isn't worth saying." He turned and walked towards the door when a last minute idea hit him.

"You know, all her friends are gathering today to attend her bridal shower. I think it would mean a lot to her if you came."

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why not? You want her to be happy right? Why not show up and wish them both well. All things considered it's the least you could do." He left and shut the door behind him as his lips curved into a smirk. If that didn't get him, then the man truly was hopeless. He shrugged his uniform jacket off and walked to the lobby pressing the button for the elevator. He had a party to get to and he hoped that of the two of them he wouldn't be the only one there.

Relena checked her hair in the mirror and smiled. Everything had to be perfect. Hilde had gone to so much trouble to plan and make all the arrangements for her Bridal shower for even one thing to be out of place. She put in her earrings, a tasteful pair of diamond studs dangling from short silver chains. Her brother had given them to her as an early birthday present in hopes that she'd wear them to just such an occasion. She would be meeting the others there. A string of political meetings had kept her busy all morning leaving her hardly any time to prepare for upcoming celebration.

Pagen pulled the car up and parked, opening the door for her. She smiled at her long-time butler. He really was more of a grandfather to her than anything else. He returned her smile, pride beaming in his gentle eyes. She grabbed her purse and buttoned her jacket. Pagen reached over and tied her scarf around her neck, giving her a knowing look. The car began to move as they started their short journey to the Convention Center. After a few miles Relena began to loosen her scarf.

"Don't want to catch cold, Miss." Pagen's concerned voice almost startled her.

"I'll be alright. It's not that far of a walk from the car to the door." She laughed softly.

"Yes, but it wouldn't hurt to keep the cold out."

"No, I suppose not." There was another moment of silence between them as she considered her destination. She suddenly felt very nervous. "Are you sure you won't stay, Pagen? You're part of my family too."

"No, Miss. These sort of occasions aren't meant for old men like me."

"You're still giving me away at the wedding though?"

"Of course, Miss. It would be my honor. I still can't believe you asked me."

"There's no one I'd rather ask. You've meant so much to me. You helped raise me. It only seems right that you, of all people, give me away." He parked the car and left it idling as he got out to open her door. She climbed out, taking his hand. He paused in front of her, fixing her scarf in a grandfatherly fashion.

"Oh Miss, I am so proud of all that you've done. I've watched you grow your whole life into the wonderful young woman you are today and I couldn't be more proud."

"Thank you, Pagen." She hugged him tightly. This dear old man meant more to her than he would ever know. "I will see you after the shower then?"

"I will be waiting right here." She hugged him again and walked off towards the door, the sounds of her heels clicking on the pavement with every step she took making her all the more aware of how real this whole thing was. Inside, waiting for her, were her friends and family and a few esteemed colleagues who could not be overlooked. Inside was a gathering to celebrate her wedding, the day that she should be looking forward to more than anything. Yet her hand froze over the door knobs. She took a deep breath to steady herself.

"You can do this, Relena." But somehow, despite her words, she just couldn't find the assurance she should have. Reaching forward, she opened the doors and made her way into the gathering hall. Smiling faces greeted her as she walked through the threshold. She returned their welcomes as Hilde closed the space between them and enveloped her and a hug.

"There you are! You're late." Her friends chastisement was eased by the friendly grin.

"I'm sorry. My last conference ran late. You know how long-winded some of those diplomats can be." She unbuttoned her coat and pulled off her scarf just in time for Donovan to reach her. grasping her hands gently in his he leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"Relena." He held her hands for a long moment, looking into her eyes as if searching for something. She smiled to reassure him. "Everyone has been asking about you."

"I figured. Leave it to me to be late for my own wedding shower."

"Well, never mind that now. We have guests to greet, presents to unwrap and cake to eat. I'm guessing you haven't grabbed anything for lunch, have you?" She gave him a small guilty smile. "I thought not which is why it's a good thing Hilde ordered meat and vegetable trays." He escorted her over to the h'orderves table, handed her a plate and began to place various combinations of meats and veggies onto it. "You eat, and I shall try my very best to keep the others busy long enough for you to have your fill." He leaned over and kissed her softly but briefly again before disappearing into the crowd.

"Well, this certainly is a pleasant occasion, Hilde." Dorothy walked up to them, a glass of Champaign in hand, slight sarcasm in her voice.

"Thank you, Dorothy. I'll try not to take that as the empty compliment it is."

"It was hardly empty. One can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into this wonderful little gathering." Relena couldn't help but feel a bit of contempt for her older friend's false enthusiasm.

"Spare me. I know you're not happy to be here."

"Just because I do not agree with the reason for the occasion does not mean I am not pleased to be here." She took a long sip of her Champaign. "You _do_ look lovely today, Relena."

"Thank you, Dorothy."

"I see Hilde is finally getting you to eat something. You'll need to keep up your strength if you are to truly endure the week to come." Dorothy reached up and petted her eyebrow.

"I'll take that as a sign that you're still going to support me."

"If by support, you mean fulfill my duties as your friend and bridesmaid, then yes." Relena felt the dread in the pit of her stomach growing with every word Dorothy said. "Where is your wonderful groom to be?"

"He's fending off the vultures long enough for Relena to eat something."

"I see. How very thoughtful of him."

"Dorothy, please. Today of all days you could at least try to pretend you're happy for me." Relena put down her plate suddenly feeling all her hunger leave her.

"I am pretending. If I were to show how I truly feel about this whole thing I would not be here at all."

"Maybe that would be better with how you're upsetting her!"

"Am I upsetting you, Relena?" Relena felt a headache coming on.

"Dorothy-" Whatever she was going to say was lost as Duo came in with an armful of presents. He rather awkwardly made his way over to them, grinning like an idiot.

"Sorry I'm late, Princess but the guys and gals back at the base wanted me to bring these to you. They send their best wishes."

"Thank you, Duo. Just set them over-"

"Oh wow! I didn't know there'd be food at this thing!" He reached out from around the stack of presents toward the table only to have his wife smack his hand.

"Put the gifts with the others first you oaf!"

"Ow, ok, ok babe. Be back in a sec." As Duo walked away Relena felt a sense of relief. His interruption had provided the much needed break in the tension. Dorothy was an excellent frienemy; good for advice and even better for pointing out your faults. Just as she was about to turn back to address Dorothy, Quatre walked up, smiling brightly.

"Relena!"

"Quatre!" The blonde man embraced her in a gentle hug. The former pilot had been a dear friend and valuable ally throughout her political career. "I was worried you wouldn't make it."

"I wouldn't have missed this for the world." He took her hands in his. "Where is your fiancé? I would like to offer him my congratulations. I have to make up for the fact that I haven't been in touch."

"It's perfectly understandable. You have had quite the mess to clean up out there. Salvaging all the mobile suit debris and recycling it is a big operation."

"Yes, but it hardly excuses my lack of communication. I fear that as your friend I have been rather remiss."

"Oh Quatre, if anyone understands being busy it would be me. Besides, communication goes both ways. I am just as guilty."

"Well, we'll have to do our catching up when all of this is over."

"I look forward to it." It did not escape her notice that he had cast several glances in Dorothy's direction, glances that the other girl was casually returning.

"Yes, run along, Mr. Winner. I'm sure you have much more important issues to deal with."

"Miss Dorothy. Charming as ever I see." The seemingly cold greeting was some strange game to two of them played. they were an unofficial couple and liked to give each other their space. they seemed to almost hate eachother at times but Relena knew better, as did all of their friends.

"And you are as sickeningly polite as ever."

"Well, Miss Dorothy, I find you are more likely to catch flies with honey than with vinegar."

"Perhaps but who really wants a group of mindless insects around?" Relena suddenly felt herself in need of her own glass of Champaign.

"Shall we discuss the differences in our social approaches over a glass of punch?"

"Champaign would be better, I think." She paused and turned to Relena. "I shall be back shortly."

"We will talk soon, Relena?"

"Of course." She watched as the two walked away. Hilde begins to laugh.

"Well, I never saw that one coming."

"Oh, I did. It's been a gradual development ever since she stabbed him."

"Yes, I can see how the romantic act of running someone through with a blade could really spark a flame." The two shared a laugh that lasted just long enough to lift her spirits. She let out a soft sigh as her fiancé made his way back over to her, taking her arm gently in his.

"I can't stall them any longer, darling. They want to speak with you." She smiled up at him, trying to hide her distress.

"That's fine. I suppose i really shouldn't stall any longer." She walked with him, greeting one person at a time, smiling and accepting the compliments and words of congratulations that were showered on her. As the party progressed it was finally time to open up the gifts at the table in the front of the room. Smiling like a goof while swallowing his mouthful of cake Duo handed her his and Hilde's gift.

"Open this one first, princess. It'll make your day." As she took the present from him she and Donovan exchanged glances. With Duo the gift could be anything from something socially unacceptable to something perfectly respectable. As they worked together to pull off the decorative paper they found an ornate picture frame. The picture inside was one of her posing with all of her friends. "Hilde and I thought you'd appreciate a little reminder of how important you are to us."

"Duo… how did you…?"

"I know a guy that was all too happy to make it. You like it?"

"I love it. Thank you both so much." She hugged them then, really appreciating their presence in her life. They continued to open the gifts, thanking each guest as they went. When they neared the bottom of the pile she found one box, simply wrapped, with her name on it but no indication as to who it was from. She glanced down at it, her breath catching in her throat. Something inside told her she knew who it was from. As she undid the simple blue ribbon she pulled off the lid to the box and found a simple white teddy bear. around the bear's neck was a platinum chained necklace with a dove charm that had diamonds for eyes. She raised it out of the box and as she did so, her eyes found him in the back of the crowd.

All eyes followed hers as they turned to look at him. He was standing there in black slacks and a white dress shirt. His hair was just as unruly as always. In short, he looked ruggedly handsome. Aqua eyes met midnight blue and she found herself unable to breathe. A million thoughts ran through her mind, dozens of things she wanted to say but couldn't seem to find the ability to voice them. Finally, her lips parted and she found herself saying one simple word.

"Heero…?"

"Congratulations." Of all the things she imagined him saying when she finally saw him again that was not one of them. She stared at him, her mind still reeling. The world seemed to stand still. For a moment it was just the two of them, eyes locked, bodies frozen in place. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity the standstill broke as he spoke. His voice was so soft no one could probably hear him; no one but her. As he turned and walked away his last words echoed through her mind.

"I shouldn't have come." She felt herself grow faint. He was walking away. He was leaving her again. She felt someone take her hand and turned, her eyes locking with Donovan's. She vaguely heard him asking her if she was alright. She saw the people staring at her as Dorothy's words against her engagement echoed once more in her mind. Suddenly feeling overwhelmed she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Excuse me, please." She all but whispered as she ran out the patio doors, Donovan's concerned voice calling out behind her.

[A.N.] I hope you enjoyed it! please let me know what you think! TTYL!


	8. What You Want Most Ch 8

[A.N.] Hello! I hope you all are enjoying the story! We are actually-sadly-almost to the end of the story. I am sorry it has taken so long to get out this chapter but i hope that you enjoy it! Here we go!

What You Want Most Ch. 8

She stood by the fountain and breathed in deeply as she tried to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. It was unfair. She had worked so hard to make this work; to keep things the way they needed to be and move on with her life. Yet in that one moment, the instant she had seen his face, the second their eyes met, it all fell apart. All of her carefully constructed walls came crumbling down leaving her helplessly speechless. She had ran out into the garden half looking for him and half just trying to get some air. The cold of the mid-day had little effect on her and in fact was a welcome change to the stuffy heat she'd felt at that moment when she'd seen him. She needed to think, to clear her head. He was there; still walking casually away. She felt herself torn between yelling out to him and staying exactly where she was. Seemingly against her better judgment she decided on the sooner.

"Heero!" He continued to walk, ignoring her. She felt her anger build. "Heero You! Don't you dare walk away from me!" He stopped where he was and she found herself walking towards him. When she was merely a few feet from his back she stopped.

"Relena." He didn't turn around. It was as if he were simply refusing to face her.

"How dare you?" Her voice was stern as the words slowly came out. He continued to just stand there, facing away from her. "Look at me, Heero." He slowly turned towards her, his downcast eyes were hidden behind his bangs and his face impassive. She became aware once more of the white bear she still clutched in her hand and the questions she wanted to ask.

"Why?" The one simple word escaped her lips, barely a whisper but she knew he'd hear it. The question had so many meanings attached to it. There were so many things he had done that she didn't understand. Why had he disappeared? Why had he stopped al contact with her? Why, if he intended to do so, did he not say goodbye? Most of all, why had he decided to resurface today of all days? Her stomach knotted as she waited for what seemed like an eternity for his reply.

"I had to." His lack of specificity was rather irritating.

"Why?" He remained silent. "Look at me." He slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. She gasped softly when she saw the swirling mix of emotions in his eyes. "Why Heero? Why did you leave? Without even saying goodbye?"

"Because it's better this way. You're better off without me." The resounding sound of her hand slapping his face made the whole world seem to stand still.

"How dare you! How dare you say that to me! You know that isn't true, not now, and not ever! You know how I felt about! You've always known! For Christ's sake Heero! You kissed me once! Didn't that mean anything to you?"

"Relena…"

"I waited for you. All these years I held out hoping that you might finally show me the reason you kissed me; that maybe I wasn't alone in my feelings. But you never did. So I moved on."

"You got engaged."

"You told me to! I told you he proposed and you said nothing to stop me! God Heero! Why are you doing this? You left! You left me without a word? Why did you suddenly decide to come back?"

"It doesn't matter now. Just forget it."

"Heero!"

"I will return when I'm needed." He began to walk away from her and though her heart willed it, her feet would not go. "Congratulations, Relena." She watched his retreating form and her heart sank more with each step. She would not go after him. Not again. Her pride would not allow and her heart would not be able to take it. She gripped the stuffed white bear in her hands tightly as a single tear slid down her cheek. In one fluid motion she wiped her tear away and dropped the bear onto the cold concrete of the garden path. As she made her own way back into the hall she did not see the broken hearted figure come out from behind the trellis. He bent down and picked up the discarded bear as the silver necklace made a soft tinkling sound against the ground. He stuffed the bear and necklace into his coat pocket and made his way back inside.

Donovan stayed by her side throughout the rest of the party. She was smiling and acting as though nothing had ever occurred to interrupt what should have been a rather perfect day. He knew how troubled she was. He had seen all he needed to see in the garden, all that remained now was waiting for the right moment to address the issue. As the hours ticked by, more and more of their guests departed until it was just the two of them and her closest friends that were always nearby for security purposes. Picking up the decorations was a slow process that she seemed to be using as a distraction. She obviously hadn't forgotten their surprise visitor and neither had he. After what seemed like a small eternity he gently touched her arm.

"Relena, will you walk with me a moment? I need to speak to you about something." She froze, her aqua eyes meeting his in confusion.

"Of course." He helped her on with her coat and then his own and held out his arm which she promptly took. They walked together in virtual silence until they reached the fountain where he gently broke away from her, turning away. He paused for a moment, looking at the beautifully caved statue of two cherubs on the back of two swans whose necks had twined together into the form of a heart. He turned around, his eyes locking with hers.

"Relena, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Donovan?"

"When you accepted my proposal, it was the happiest moment of my life. The first time I met you I knew you were special, and not because you were the Vice Foreign Minister. Your titles and achievements were impressive but not what attracted me to you. It was your heart; your strength and conviction, your passion to help people. But there was also an air of mystery about you. The woman too busy for a relationship. I wanted to know who you really were; to find out what made you as you were. And now I know." He reached his hands into his pockets.

"Donovan, it's cold out here. Why don't we go back inside and finish redecorating for the rehearsal dinner?"

"I'm not sure there will be a rehearsal dinner."

"You don't want one."

"Relena." He watched her stiffen at his tone, her eyes widening slightly. "Let's be honest. We've been kidding ourselves. This whole thing, the wedding, our engagement. It's not right."

"What do you mean?"

"I can never be what you need me to be, or rather, who you want me to be." He looked down sadly.

"Donovan, what are you talking about?"

"Relena, I love you. I want you to know that. But there's an old saying: if you love someone, let them go and if they come back then they're yours. I'm not expecting you to come back but I do want you to be happy." He takes her hands in his. "Even if it isn't with me." As he pulled his hands away she looked down to find the silver dove necklace.

"Donovan?" He hands her the teddy bear and she looks down at it, puzzled, then back up at him.

"It's ok."

"I'm so sorry, Donovan."

"There's no reason to apologize. Just promise me you'll be happy. That's all I ask."

"You are going to make some woman very happy someday, Donovan. And when that happens she will be the luckiest woman in the world." He smiled at her and she returned his sadly, leaning in, she kissed his cheek softly, hugging him. He pulled away gently and took a step back.

"Let's go back inside. The least I can do is help clean up the mess"

"I don't know what to tell everyone."

"You don't have to, not alone. We'll tell them together." She smiled at him again and he took her hand as they walked back in together to confront their friends.

Heero sat in the surveillance room waiting for his charge to return for his nightly shift. The fresh cup of coffee was quickly getting cold on the table top yet again. The room was dark and the only illumination came from the monitors. This was becoming a regular thing for him. They should be getting back any time now. The party had been just as she'd planned it to be. He overheard Hilde regaling her with all the details, the trappings and trimmings. It was everything any bride to be could ever wish for. He sighed and ran a hand through his long, chocolate-colored bangs.

The monitored showed the front door opening and Zechs entered, followed by his wife and then finally, Relena. He watched as she peeled off her coat and scarf and deposited her gloves on the table by the entranceway. It was then that he noticed the small white bear grasped gently in one of her hands. She looked tired. He frowned as he noticed her downcast eyes and slumped shoulders. He knew her well enough to know that something was really wrong. Her older brother and his wife hadn't said anything to her either. Duo entered then, followed by his wife who was quietly chastising him for something only the two of them were privy to. It was still Duo's shift. He'd be up any moment to take over but Heero found he was unwilling to leave. He continued to watch her on the monitors until she walked into her room and closed the door behind her. The door opened and the new intrusion of light.

"Hey buddy. Thought I'd find you here." He merely grunted in response. "What are you sittin' in the dark for? Sticking to the stalker stereotype?"

He turned and saw his friend's grin even in the dim lighting. Dup flipped the switch but Heero failed to give him the desired reaction of flinching. His training provided him with the ability to adjust quickly to a change in lighting.

"That was some stunt you pulled today." Again, he didn't answer. "I didn't think you'd have it in you to show up, although I gotta admit I thought that if you did you'd do something more than just run off." Heero turned away from him, focusing on the monitors but saw from a reflection that Duo leaned casually on the doorway.

"Too bad you didn't stick around. You missed the big news." Heero paused and shifted his shoulders and braced himself. He knew Duo would tell him whether he asked for it or not. "Donovan called it off."

"What?" He spun around so fast it made Duo take a step back.

"Yeah. He broke off the engagement. Rel won't tell us why. She just said he was a gentleman about it." Heero stood up, slinging his preventer jacket over his shoulder. "Where you goin'?"

"I'll be back in time for my shift." He left the room and closed the door leaving behind him a very confused braided man. Donovan had broken off the engagement. Heero couldn't understand it. He had let her go. He had to find out what happened and the best way to do that was to go to the source.


	9. What You Want Most Ch 9

[A.N.] Hello all! Thank you all for staying with me this long and for all of your awesome reviews! I love them as much as I love you all! It is because of you that this story has continued! I hope you enjoy this chapter, the first of the final three! Yes we're down to the last few! Thank you again for everything! This one is for you!

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What You Want Most Chapter 9

Donovan tossed his keys onto the counter and placed his hands down for support. He had done it. He had let her go. It had hurt him, but it had needed done. She was in love with someone else and it wouldn't have been right to continue on knowing that. He sighed. He had loved her, really loved her, which made it even harder to break off their engagement but he couldn't bear trying to live with the alternative. Relena would have tried to be a good wife. She would have been affectionate and would have made a caring wife as well as a loving mother. It would look like a picturesque family from every angle, the press would eat it up and life would be pleasant, but it wouldn't be satisfactory. She would always be wishing he were someone else and he'd be always wondering if she were thinking about that someone else.

No, it was better this way. He was a young, wealthy, and if tabloids were reliable, a handsome individual. It wouldn't be long before he would find someone new. He shook his head at the thought. It wouldn't be that simple and it would be far from easy but he knew, with time, he could do it. He reached over and grabbed a mug out of the cabinet. He lived alone in his penthouse apartment, so the simple tasks like making coffee were left completely to him; not that he minded. He liked his privacy. It was a good way to stay focused, but it did get lonely from time to time. Being who he was, however, he wasn't careless. His penthouse had been equipped with state-of-the-art security systems and precautionary measures to prevent him from coming to any harm. It was safe enough, but the sound of a gun cocking behind him told him that it was not impenetrable. He knew who it was without turning around.

"Lieutenant Yuy. I was just about to make some coffee, would you like some?"

"Why?"

"Why? Because I find it a pleasant beverage to enjoy in the evening." Heero didn't respond to his attempt at a joke. He shook his head. "No to the coffee then?" He sighed and turned around, meeting the dark-blue eyes of the other man. It was easy to see what Relena found attractive about him. He was just above average height and had a lean, toned frame that seemed ready for action at a moment's notice. He couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. "I can probably guess why you're here."

"You broke it off with her." It seemed to be half a question and half a statement, his impassive voice making it almost impossible to tell which.

"Yes. I did. It seemed like the right thing to do."

"The right thing?"

"Yes. I see no point in marrying her when she is in love with someone else; with you, in fact." He leaned his back casually against the counter crossing his arms. He watched the other man visibly stiffen. "Don't tell me you didn't know because I know you did. Her friends warned me about how she's been stuck on you for years. I thought it might change over time but I was wrong."

"You hurt her." As the other man said these words, Donovan felt himself getting agitated. He stepped forward, squaring off with the former Gundam pilot.

"I hurt her? That's rich coming from you." Heero seemed to flinch slightly but in the dim light of the room it was hard to tell. "How long are you going to wait before coming back into her life? Are you planning to at all? Because she doesn't have forever." He took a step towards Heero and saw the other man clench shift as if to attack. "Are you just going to leave her without saying goodbye again?"

"I left to protect her."

"Bullshit. You left because you're a coward Yuy. It's as simple as that."

"What?" Heero's eyes widened slightly and Donovan knew he'd struck a nerve. Good.

"You heard me. It's kind of funny actually. A war hero, a Gundam pilot, one of the greatest warriors in the universe is afraid of love."

"You don't know anything about me."

"Maybe not, but I do know that Relena deserves to be happy."

"You're the only one who can ensure that."

"Man, Duo hinted that you were dense but I didn't believe him, now I know he spoke the truth."

"I cared enough to walk away."

"So did I! The difference is she didn't _want_ _you_ to."

"She's better off without me." That was it. Before he knew what happened, he threw a punch that connected squarely with the other man's face. Heero didn't move. He didn't flinch but neither did her retaliate. He just stood there, eyes on the ground.

"You're such a moron! Relena is an amazing woman! I would give anything to have her look at me just once the way she looks at you. You may have had a bad life, you may even have reasons to think you don't deserve happiness but she loves you. She _loves_ you, and that is your redeeming factor. Accept it, treasure it and her. Please."

There was a long period of silence between them before Donovan turned back to the counter to continue making his coffee.

"Make her happy, Heero. For both of us." A moment of silence had passed and he didn't need to look to know that the other man was now gone. He turned on the coffee maker and walked to his living room taking a seat in his chair. Leaning back and closing his eyes he smiled sadly to himself wishing them both the best as well as himself.

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Relena looked at the photo of her and Donovan, regret welling inside her. What she did to Donovan hadn't been right. He deserved so much better than that. She had loved Donovan, but knew she hadn't been in love with him, knew she probably never would be and carried on her little charade in spite of it all. She had hoped that by being involved with Donovan she could finally move on and burry her feelings for Heero, but that didn't make it right. She had already received her lecture, cementing her feelings of guilt into place. Noin, when she found out what Donovan said, had given her quite a stern reprimand. She recalled again the whole conversation.

"Relena, what happened? Why did he suddenly call it off? You were perfect for each other." She had merely closed her eyes, unable to look at her sister-in-law.

"He did what I should have done."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't love him, Noin; not like he loved me."

"Relena…" She sighed, trying to think of how to phrase her next words.

"He realized it. He knew I was in love already; that I have always loved someone else. He was right. We were only fooling ourselves." She shrugged helplessly, feeling defeated.

"You mean you agreed to marry him knowing full well you didn't feel as strongly for him, as he did for you? What were you thinking?"

"I don't know, Noin. I guess I just wanted to try and have a normal life, a normal relationship, where the man doesn't pop in and out of my life whenever her feels like it."

"That doesn't make it right."

"I know. Donovan deserves so much more, so much better than what I did. I hurt him, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do." She sat down in one of the chairs in the living area, her sister-in-law close by.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"I wish I knew. He still wants to be friends but I feel as though I need to give him his space. I know I would need some if the situation were reversed."

"I wasn't just talking about him." She stiffened, waiting for the older woman to continue that thought. "Heero showed up at your wedding shower with a gift for you. He must care. Are you going to confront him?"

"Confront him? Noin, I don't know where he is. He could be in another country by now. Besides, if he cared he never would have left in the first place. If he cared he would have fought for me that night. Why didn't he Noin? Why?" She hated herself for getting so emotional but it hadn't exactly been an easy day.

"I don't know Relena. Only one man can answer those questions and I know for a fact he's never far away. He'll show up. Trust me."

"How can you be sure?"

"Relena, I have watched the two of you for years. I know he can't stay away from you for long. Trust me, he'll be back, and when he is, you have to resolve this."

"Noin… I… thank you." The older woman merely smiled and hugged her before walking up the stairs to the room always kept for her and her husband.

She sighed heavily and set the picture down. It hardly seemed possible that that could have been just yesterday. She had been pulled back into work just as soon as the delegation found out that her matrimonial plans were canceled and her day had dragged on forever. Her secretary had misfiled her papers and the minister of the L4 colony cluster had demanded an immediate vid-conference to try and get her assistance on one of his newest colonial improvement projects; that was only the beginning. Between work issues and her own personal feelings she was exhausted.

She walked over to her bed and kicked off her heeled shoes, letting her bare feet sink into the soft carpet. She pulled off her blazer and tossed it onto the chair, then sat on the edge of the bed. This was the first moment she had to really reflect all day. The time she hadn't spent on work-related issues had been used to cancel the various celebratory companies that had been hired to help make her wedding as spectacular as any woman could ever hope. She sighed again and she let her hair down, as long as always, she shook free and let it tumble down her slender back. It was in that moment that she sensed he was there, watching her from the shadows, a habit she once found as creepy as it was endearing but now was merely a painful reminder of the way things used to be. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, adjusting to his once too familiar presence once again.

"Hello, Heero."

TBC…


	10. What You Want Most Ch 10

[A.N.] Here is the next chapter! Sorry it has taken so long. I have had so much going on for school and for the play that I'm in that I haven't had any time to write! I hope you enjoy it and please forgive me if it's a bit rough. Feedback would be much appreciated! There is an epilogue coming so please hang on tight for the last few yards of this crazy ride! Thank you all so much for your support! As always I do this for you as much as for me and I love you all! Enjoy!

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What You Want Most Chapter 10

"Hello, Heero."

Those two simple words rolled off her lips like a silent prayer; maybe it was: a prayer that somehow, someway, something would be resolved. She could hear his soft breathing and felt his presence as if he were standing right beside her. Time seemed to stand still as she waited but for what she wasn't quite sure. After the small eternity of nerve wrecking silence she found herself able to speak.

"I would ask what brings you to my room this late but I feel like the words would be wasted." He was closer now but stayed behind her and she fought debated the wisdom of turning around to face him.

"You know why I'm here."

"I truly cannot say that I do." She finally turned to look at him, bracing herself for the inevitable feelings she always got when her eyes would meet his. Her own eyes widened in shock, however, when she saw the bruise forming on his cheek. Even in the dim lighting of her room she could clearly see where it was beginning to swell. She knew he was human, knew he did get injured but to actually see it was somewhat of a shock. Her mind flew to their earlier encounter in front of the fountain at the wedding shower. She had smacked him. Stepping forward slowly she reached out to him. "Your face… I didn't do that, did I?"

"No… it was… someone else."

"You should put some ice on it."

"It's nothing. I'll be fine." She stopped at his words, pausing merely a few feet from him, lowering her hand. His words reminded her of everything that had and had not transpired between them.

"Of course." She took a step back and suddenly found the floor very interesting. She couldn't meet his eyes. She rocked back and forth on her heels like a nervous child. Why was this so hard? "You still haven't told me why you're here." She saw him shift, clearly he felt as awkward as she did. It was as though the two had gone back in time and were two teenage kids about to ask each other to the prom.

"I had to see you."

"At midnight?"

"I knew you'd be up."

"Of course you did." He would too. He knew everything about her, more than her own mother even. Her mother had arrived late to the Shower and had come in just after their little encounter in the garden. Concerned for her daughter, Mrs. Dorlan had done everything in her power to try and help things run smoothly even after the announcement about the end of the engagement had been made. Standing before Heero, the man who had indirectly caused the cancellation, she found herself frozen. "What do you want, Heero?"

"I wanted to make sure you were alright." She sighed and moved to her vanity, as if trying to distract herself. She carefully removed her earrings.

"I see. Then you heard." He gave a faint grunt in affirmation. "It was for the best really. He did what I should have done long ago. We were deceiving ourselves; I was deceiving myself."

"He said you didn't love him." She froze. Heero had spoken with Donovan? When? She turned and her eyes flew once more to the bruise on his cheek.

"Heero, please tell me you didn't go after him?"

"I needed to know why." She suddenly felt herself grow angry; with him for prying and angry with herself for the whole situation.

"It was none of your business! None of this was your business!" She turned from him, her head spinning from the exhaustion she now felt setting in.

"Relena." She felt him then, behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

"Why, Heero? Why?" She wasn't even sure what she was asking. She had so many questions all jumbling in her mind. She felt the tears forming though she refused to let them fall, not now, not in front of him.

"I know you have questions. I don't have answers to all of them. Let's start with the ones I do." He gently turned her to face him and the two walked to the bed. She sat down first and he next to her, although he kept a decent distance. "Ask."

"Why did you leave?"

"I told you. I wanted you to be happy."

"Yes, you did tell me that. What I want to know is how did you think your disappearance would ever help me be happy?"

"I wanted to see if you were happy. I wanted a chance to see if I had done the right thing."

"The right thing?" She stared at him now, unsure what he meant.

"Letting you go."

"What do you mean."

"I wanted to say no." She saw him lower his eyes to the ground, his bangs were now obscuring his face. He had a bit of stubble growing on his chin that made him seem even more mysterious.

"What do you mean?"

"You asked me if you should marry him. I wanted to say no." her mind went back to that night, the night Donovan had given her the ring. She had wanted him to object, more than anything. She realized how stupid she truly had been for ever doing this to them.

"Then why didn't you?"

"I thought he was what you wanted. I didn't want to stand in your way. When you told him yes I couldn't bring myself to stay; to see you with him."

"Heero." She took his hand in hers and reached up to gently touch his face. He turned to look at her, his eyes flashing with something similar to surprise. She smiled sadly. "I thought you knew. All these years I thought you knew me well enough to know how I felt." He stared at her as if trying to take ion what she was saying. This all felt so childish. Here she was, almost thirty and she was having trouble talking to a "boy" about her feelings. She never really got to be that shy teenager. She never got her first prom, never went on her first real teenage date. This was the closest she'd really come to such a juvenile issue and that's exactly how she felt.

"I guess I should have tried harder to show you but I didn't want to scare you away. I wanted you in my life, even if it was as just a friend. I would rather keep my feelings to myself than scare you off." His eyes widened slightly as realization seemed to dawn on him. Taking his change in expression as a warning sign and dropped her hand from his cheek. She tried to let go of hid hand but he held it tight.

"Scare me off?" She looked away, her eyes closing in thought.

"It seems so silly now. I guess never knew how you felt and I didn't want to risk losing you."

"Relena." The way he said her name was so different. He'd never said her name like that before. It was softer, deeper and somehow, more passionate than she'd ever heard before. "I'm sorry." She felt her throat constrict. None of this was making sense.

"There's no need to apologize. I understand." She stood then, walking across the room to her balcony doors.

"No, you don't." He rose and was behind her inches away. She could feel the heat from his body, almost hearing his heartbeat, or maybe that was her own.

"Heero… what do you want from me?"

"You." She turned to him then, shock in her eyes. He took her hands gently and leaned forward, touching his forehead to hers and she closed her eyes. She held her breath, afraid that if she breathed, if she opened her eyes, this moment would be over, that he would be gone. "Just you." She started giggling in spite of herself. "What's so funny?"

"Us." She pulled back and looks into his eyes, smiling. "Oh, Heero, what a mess we made."

"I suppose we have."

"Well what should we do about it?" She asked, her eyes meeting his as he gave her a sly smile.

"I can think of one thing." She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck as his lips met hers in a gentle kiss. For the first time in months she felt complete. He was here, with her, holding her in his arms; her best friend, the man she loved more than anyone or anything in the world and as their kiss deepened she knew one thing for certain: she would never let him go again.

"Don't you ever walk out of my life again, Yuy."

"Not even if you asked me to." He kissed her again and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, she let go, releasing her tension and cares and just let herself get lost in the moment.


	11. What You Want Most: Epilogue

[A.N.] Hello everyone! here is the final chapter! the epilogue! I hope you enjoy it! it has been a blast writing this story for you and I and truly glad it has been appreciated. If you have any requests, story prompts, ideas, message me on here and I will see what I can do! Thank you all again for your support! I love you all! Without further ado, here it is!

* * *

What You Want Most: Epilogue

Donovan adjusted his tie one last time and gave himself a once-over in the mirror. Today was a special day. Today was the wedding. He smiled as he thought about the last several months; six to be exact. It had thrilled him to no end to know that he _would_ be needing his tux after all. He thought of the beautiful woman he'd be with today, her golden hair and soft eyes enthralled him from the moment he'd met her and now he was going to make a big step in their relationship. He sighed contentedly as he tucked his boutonniere into his lapel and turned around to grab his things. Relena had wanted this to be a comfortable day for him and he wanted to return her consideration by helping today go as smoothly as possible.

"Donovan, are you ready?"

"Yes, Kara. I was just making sure I had everything."

He smiled warmly as his girlfriend walked up and adjusted his tie, yet again. Kara had been an old high school acquaintance of Relena's that she had been all too happy to introduce him to. They had hit it off right away. He had no hard feelings after they had ended their engagement and had kept in contact which was what merited him his plus one invitation to the long-awaited event.

Kara looked stunning. Her golden hair was styled perfectly, her long tasteful dress framed her curves perfectly without taking anything away from her natural beauty. He smiled. If things continued to go well between them, maybe he'd be getting married soon too.

"Shall we go?" He said, offering her his arm. She nodded, smiling at him and he felt his heart skip as they walked together out to the car.

* * *

Heero looked in the mirror. He hated wearing suits; especially tuxes, but today was worth it. Duo walked in behind him his tie untied, hanging around his neck and his jacket slung casually over one shoulder. He leaned on the door frame. His grin spoke volumes and "I told you so" was one of its most prevalent statements. The annoying thing was that he was right. He had told him so many times. If it hadn't been for his meddling he might not be here, right now, dressed up and ready to take the biggest step of his life. Heero considered this his most important mission ever and he never failed his missions. Mission objective: arrive at the alter and swear in the vows that he knew in his heart he'd always wanted to make.

The objective wasn't the problem. The problem was his self-doubt. Despite all of her reassurances, despite all her words of love he still felt as though he didn't deserve her. He was a soldier, the perfect soldier, things like this were not meant for him. He had been trained to live and die in the battlefields. Odin Lowe once told him to act on his emotions and for years he denied them because his trainers had told him that such things were unnecessary for him to have. Somehow, meeting her hand changed all of that. She gave him a purpose to live beyond the battle, a reason for existing and something precious to fight for and protect and now he was taking the biggest step of his life. She already owned him, from the moment he had met her he had been hers; heart, mind and soul, though he had fought it, denied it with every fiber of his being. Today, however, he would make it official and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"It's time buddy." At his friend's words he took a deep breath and turned walking through the door down the hall and into the sanctuary. The amount of people in attendance was relatively small compared to what it could have been. Only those that needed to be invited for political reasons and to help keep up good relations were in attendance. There was no way to fit every representative and the whole of the Earth-Sphere Nation in this one room no matter how big the church might be. She had wanted a small wedding, for his sake, just friends and family, but he had insisted she have the big wedding that every woman dreamed of with the dresses and the bouquets and the fancy, flashy decorations normally called for in this situation.

It seemed like an eternity passed before the procession music started beginning the ceremony. Duo let loose a wolf whistle as Hilde made her entrance earning him a blush and a reproachful glance from his wife. Dorothy followed next giving Quatre some sort of suggestive look although what she was suggesting Heero did not even want to try and speculate. The two were followed by Relena's niece and nephew as the flower girl and ring bearer. When at last the wedding party had taken their appropriate places, the bridal march began. Heero's eyes were glued to her from the moment she appeared escorted by her mother on one arm and Pagen, standing in for her absent father on the other.

She was breathtaking. Her hair was done up perfectly in a French twist with curled tendrils falling gracefully alongside her heart-shaped face. Her dress was perfect, classic and tasteful, with just enough cling in the right places to really set off her figure in an appropriate way. She looked as she should, as graceful and poised as the royal princess she was. She was perfection in its finest form and she was about to join her life with his forever.

Her eyes met his and he could see the tears beginning to form, tears of happiness that were only accentuated by her smile. In that instant, the tux, the prying eyes of the few press members, even Duo's random jokes no longer mattered. All that mattered, all he saw was her. Just her. As she reached him, she hugged her mother, and Pagen lifted her veil before giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The glance they both cast him said the same thing: take care of her. Pagen gave her away and the ceremony proceeded. As he took her hands in his everything seemed to stand still. He spoke the vows with sincerity greater than he'd ever had before, taking her in, breathing the words 'I do' and in front of everyone mirrored her smile.

As she repeated the vows her entire face lit up and when he leaned in to kiss her at the end of the vows she blushed sweetly as he pulled her closer to gently deepen the kiss. She never was one for public displays of affection; neither was he, but for some reason he felt the need to show all of those diplomats, dignitaries and political blowhards that she was his. Her lips were so soft he knew he would never tire of kissing them. Duo's whistle and the minister clearing his throat finally made him end their kiss. Her face was now a darker shade of pink than he'd seen before and he smiled a small, evil smirk that only she could see. Her eyes were wide with pleasant surprise. As the final announcement was made pronouncing them as Mr. and Mrs. They walked together as quickly as they could to their getaway car to get to the reception. The limo seats were a comfortable spot to continue the kiss that had been so "rudely" interrupted.

* * *

Relena sighed contentedly as she gently kicked off her heels. It had been quite a busy day. The wedding had gone off perfectly with everything being as she'd pictured it. She would have been fine with a small ceremony but he wouldn't let her have anything less than what they did. She smiled. It was little things like that that reminded her how much he loved her. He never really said it, never really had to. She just knew. The look in his eyes, the way he said her name, the small things he would do for her on a regular basis like getting her tea and getting her painkillers whenever she showed signs of her imminent headaches. What she liked best were his massages. He was very good at them. Duo had caught him giving her one once and joked about how soldiers could use their hands to inflict pain or soothe it away, a fact she found herself thankful for on more than one occasion.

He had been reinstated as head of her security after they made up and was almost always at her side, more as a silent comforting presence than anything else. He proposed in the most unexpected of ways that was still so typically him.

_She had been tired after a hard day of conferences and debates and was lying on the couch with a bag of ice on her forehead when he sat down and propped her head in his lap. She had been thankful for the makeshift pillow and sighed contentedly. She looked up at him and reached up, touching his face gently._

"_I love you." She had said it in a dreamy sigh, content to just be with him. She was about to close her eyes when she heard him say:_

"_Marry me." He eyes widened in shock and she stared at him. She sat up, looking him in the eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box, opening it slowly. Inside was a nice sized topaz stone set in between two nice sized diamonds on a silver band. He knew she wasn't a huge fan of gold. She looked at the ring, then at him and with tears in her eyes she all but lunged forward, tackling him to the couch and kissing him, as her answer, her headache forgotten. When the kiss broke he stroked her hair out of her face gently and looked into her eyes._

"_I love you too." It had been the first time he'd actually said it but it had been worth waiting for._

She stood in the doorway of their bedroom. Their bedroom. The concept made her skin ripple with goose bumps. She smiled as she began to try and unlace the corset part of the bodice of her dress which was harder than she'd ever imagined it would be. The sooner she was out of her dress the sooner she could slip into something more comfortable. Her plans were about to be altered as two strong hands joined hers in working to undo the frustrating strings. He laid his head on her shoulder and kissed her neck softly sending pleasant shivers down her spine. He always knew exactly where to kiss… the base of her neck right where it meets the clavicle. In spite of herself she let out a soft moan. She felt his warm, muscular body press against her and sighed. She felt so tiny compared to him, but so safe.

"Where have you been?"

"I was giving the rest of the security the night off. We are alone." The way he said those words, a husky growl, rolling out of his throat passed his lips, mixed with the fact that he kissed her again made her knees grow weak.

"Heero.." She gasped, trying to collect her thoughts. She wasn't worried about the lack of security. Heero would be more than enough. Her silent protector, her love, her husband. She had wanted to tell him something… or ask him something… what was it again? She gave another soft moan as his lips trailed their way up to her ear. Suddenly the dress was less of a frustration than an outright barrier. As the last string fell loose she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. There was a passion in his eyes, a fire that she knew burned only for her and she loved it. Here, in this place, at this time, there was only the two of them. She was his, completely, wholly; heart, mind, soul… and body. As his lips met hers in another deep kiss she let herself get swept away.

"I love you so much." She muttered as she felt herself losing control.

"I know." Was his only response before the two became lost in one another; their souls finally complete after half a lifetime of waiting.

~END~


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